Star Fox: The End of Ages
by Zell595
Summary: A funny as hell retelling of the Star Fox 64 game.Make sure you read past the prolouge, then youll get to the good part. Solar part 1, is it hot in here?! To be on the safe side, i made this R due to language. R&R or I will die. maybe. possibly.
1. Prologue

Note: All Characters in this story pertaining to starfox are the sole property of their respective owners. Ok? Alright.

STARFOX:

The End of Ages

Prologue:

            In the calm quiet of a system far away from known culture, there was a great civilization. This system was called the Lylat system and was home to many a race and culture. This system had many planets, and a rich and varied history. All was not well in the system though. The system was on a brink of a massive civil war. The brilliant scientist Andross, a denizen of the planet Venom, was expelled from the Royal academy of the planet Corneria for his work with bio-weapons. He was banned to venom and kept in check from there. This did not bode well for the system, and the galaxy was kept in check by a small balance, if the balance was upset, the entire galaxy would be engulfed by civil war. During this time, a group of mercenary's, working for the Cornerian army, was sent on a reconnaissance mission to discover the plans of the scientist Andross. This group was called Starfox, led by the dashing James McCloud. His wing-mates included Pigma Dengar and Peppy Hare. During the mission, something went horribly wrong. Pigma had secretly been in contact with Andross. When he and his wingmates entered venom airspace, Pigma left the group. James and Peppy were ambushed by a massive army of Venomian starships. They valiantly held on to their lives, and they destroyed scores of Venomian troops. They had their enemies on the run, but then a darkness invaded the battle field. A dark machine, unlike anything they had ever seen was brought into the battle. They both knew they were no match for the insanely powerful craft. They both flew, flew as fast as they could. They could not outrun it though. The machine gathered the essence of everything around it, iridescent light emanating from it's core. Peppy was caught in the direct path of the beam. He would die if nothing was done. James with his last bit of heroism, used his own craft to knock Peppy's out of the way. Peppy watched his monitor, as his friends smiling, torn face came on for a split second. Then it was if the heavens themselves had come down on them. James starship was disintegrated instantly. Peppy had just enough energy in ship to limp back to Corneria. James was dead, and Peppy retired. 

            While this was happening, James son Fox making waves in the Royal academy. He broken upon the news of his father's death, but kept on at the academy despite his heartbreak. He was helped along by his best friend, Wolf O'donnell, and excelled. Then his last year of school came. Fox and Wolf were in there dorm room both sparring and practicing their hand to hand combat drills. There was a large explosion, and both Fox and Wolf ran out of their room, only to a see a gaping hole in the wall. Fox and wolf turned to face each other, both rapidly discussing what had happened. The last thing wolf saw was a laser aimed straight at his face seemingly materializing from Fox, his best friend. Wolf Blacked out, and Fox was left standing over the body of his friend. The assailant then left as quickly as he came, Fox brought out his training stun blaster and attempted to shoot him, but he was already gone. The next person to appear was the dean of the Academy. Fox was immediately detained despite his protests. Wolf came to his senses the next day, and was present at Fox's court-martial. He testified that Fox had shot him, having thought he had seen it. The judge made his statement right there, and Fox was expelled from the academy. This wasn't the thing that hurt Fox the most though, it was the look of loathing that his best friend had given him. Later that year, Fox's mother Vixy, was killed in a car explosion. The investigation declared it was a homicide, but nobody was ever convicted. Fox was alone. He was taken in by his father's best friend Peppy, and lived his life. 

            At the age of 19, Fox realized that he and Peppy needed money. Fox's skill with starship's and blasters, although not fully trained, were still almost without equal. Peppy knew this too, but was at a loss at what to do with it. Fox told Peppy that he was going to restart Star-Fox. He invited Peppy to become his wingman. Peppy at first declined, knowing that he was retired, and had no desire to relive the trauma that he had had with his father. Fox was persistent, and Peppy began to believe in the spry youngsters abilities. Yet he still would not join. He explained that they had no ships, no money, and they would need to have more people to join, in order to properly have a group. Fox was heart-broken. He kept his idea in mind though, and went on with his life, although he and Peppy still needed money. One day, Fox was wandering aimlessly down one of the many backstreets of Corneria. He saw a group of people gathered around a spectacle. Fox being the curious person that he was, decided to investigate. He walked around the edges of the crowd, and noticed that what they were watching, they weren't watching, they were a group of kids, beating up on another one, a frog. Fox Immediately jumped in against his better judgement. He managed to handle them for a little while, but they eventually dragged him down with sheer numbers. The next thing he saw was a flash of blue and red, and the kids all on their backs. Fox helped the kid up and looked at the person who had saved them. A falcon. He introduced himself as Falco Lombardi, and remarked that he wouldn't always be there to help them. He said it with a rather shifty smirk on his face. He noticed Fox as the genius pilot from the academy. Falco told him that he was something of a pilot himself. They exchanged phone numbers, and the Falco left. Fox stood next to the kid, who had been silent the entire time. After Falco had left, The Toad started speaking excitedly. He told Fox that he was in debt for helping him. He also told Fox that he was a inventor, and was working on a new space vehicle, called an Arwing. He brought fox  back to his garage and showed him 4 of the magnificent craft. He explained that he was still working with them, and since fox was a pilot, he could give them a great test run. Fox agreed, and suddenly had an idea. Two days later, Fox, Falco, Slippy Toad, and Peppy were all in garage. They admired the craft. Peppy, thinking he was going to regret it, said the few words that would save a galaxy.

            "Well, Looks like we're back in business."

            Authors note: Well everybody! Look at this! My first fanfic in a year. First off, Props to Rick Ons for starting me back up on fanfics. His "Fox's Race" Story was awesome. Second, This story is going to be a retelling of Star Fox 64. The ol' G, the start, the beginning of it all. This is just the prologue giving a little background into Fox and his team mates. Finally, Read and Review! I like reviews. There yummy. Also, if you feel like it, head over to fiction press and read the Waltz Chronicles by Zell595 in the Sci-fi section. It hasn't got a review yet. ;_;. Anyway, Ill try and get the first chapter up soon. Ok! 


	2. Here we go!

Chapter 1: Here we go!

            Fox looked up lazily at his screen. He let out a yawn. There hadn't been a call for ages. Jesus, when would there next assignment come? Fox continued to listen to his music, playing it insanely loud. Falco was over in a corner, playing with his blaster. Dork. Peppy was chillin, looking over the specs for their newly aquired Arwings. They had to be fixed after that last mission. Slippy couldn't fly an arwing quite well yet, and got blasted not once, nor twice, but SIX times while trying to remember which button fired the ships main weapons, and he BUILT the thing. He looked over at Slippy, who seemed to be tinkering with… wait a second…. 

            "SLIPPY DON'T TOUCH THAT!!!"

            Too late. Slippy's face was scorched, and their new toaster, was to put it mildly, toast.    

            "Damnit Slip! Why'd you do that! That means a new toaster and we're on a budget! Crap….." Slippy looked fearful of what surely would come next. He counted down in his head. 3..2..1..

            "Well, nice goin Slip. Why don't you go tinker with say, a smart bomb? That way, if you screwed up, you'd rid us of your STUPID-ASS activities. Ok? Alright? Get it? ." And the Falco outburst, on time and sharp as ever. Slippy wouldn't stand for it this time! No way!  

            "Screw you, Bi-atch!" There was 3 seconds of complete silence. In other words, an eternity. Slippy felt awkward, then looked at the screen.        

            "Gen.. Gen… General Pepper?" Slippy looked about to wet his trousers.           

            "In case you were wondering private Slippy, I DO take offense at that. You had no reason to bring my mom into this! I oughta blast your little shrimp ass right now!" Slippy just about melted there, started babbling incoherently, and had to be carted off by Peppy, who was trying to save himself from dying by laughter. Fox, as the leader, took it up as his duty to talk with General Pepper.

            "Ahem, yes General?" The sun shined through on the view screen, It was really a beautiful day. But unfortunately, it made a nasty glare on the screen. He made odd squinting motions. General Pepper was flustered by this but wasn't going to say anything yet. Fox was dimly aware of some loud Pops and Bangs out of his window. He could barely hear anything.   

            "Fox, we need your help! Corneria is under attack by unknown forces! You need to get out there and help save the planet!" Fox looked oddly at General Pepper.

            "Whatchu talking bout' Pepper? There's no attack we would have heard it." Fox felt smug and superior about his logic. Unfortunately, it was wrong.

            "Fox you ding! Turn off that blasted music!" Fox ever resourceful, turned down the music a notch. He immediately noticed that the world was all of sudden, well, going boom. 

            "We'll be out there soon Pepper, we want our fee after this!" He turned off the monitor before General Pepper could say anything more. Fox looked at Falco with a look, and then went to find Slippy and Peppy. This didn't take long, as Slippy was apparently revived,  and he and Peppy were playing Poker. They didn't notice that Fox and Falco and were in the room.      

            "I'll see your ten and raise you twenty!" This didn't go over well with Falco, and Peppy was suddenly short several muzzle hairs, and all of his bodily waste, courtesy of a exquisitely aimed blaster bolt.     

            "Clean your self off and come help us fools, the planets under attack, and we're getting payed to save it!" Falco looked ecstatic. Fox thought  he could hear something in the background. It was his music. He kept on running toward the hanger. He watched as his wingmen all jumped into their planes, except for Slippy, who fell on his ass twice before he managed to go get a ladder. He was silently cursing himself and making a mental note to drink more milk. Fox could still hear his music.

I've been searching for a man  
All across Japan  
Just to find, to find my samurai  
  
Someone who is strong  
But still a little shy  
Yes I need, I need my samurai  
  
 Ay, Ay, Ay, I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue, make the colours in the sky  
Ay, Ay, Ay, I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue, make the colours in the sky  
  
 

            Fox, energized and pumped. Started up his engines. He felt the raw power of his arwing beneath him. They took off out of the Great Fox (A recently acquired acquisition. It had cost them 3 mission's fees.) Fox put on his head phones and kept on listening to his song. One by one they blasted out of the hold of the great fox. The power of the arwings giving them all a giddy rush. This was living!

I've been searching in the woods  
And high upon the hills  
Just to find, to find my samurai  
  
Someone who won't regret  
To keep me in his net  
Yes I need, I need my samurai

Ay, Ay, Ay, I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue, make the colours in the sky  
Ay, Ay, Ay, I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue, make the colours in the sky

            They flew into their typical formation, running along the clouds as if they were a track, then diving and leveling off onto the water in a maneuver that would absolutely fuck up anything that gave a passing thought to following them. Fox spied ahead several enemy drones. They were taken out easily with laser blasts. Slippy being a bit of a showoff blasted ahead, and attempted to shoot them down. He went off Fox's screen for a few seconds, but came back with THREE enemies on his tail.

            "Damnit Slip!" Slippy's distraught cries were angering, but there was nothing the enemies could do as they were picked off quickly.

            "Thanks guys!" There it goes, Fox thought, you just KNOW Falco's gonna say something now. And like clock-work, he did.       

            "Slippy, didn't save YOU, we saved the ship. That way we wouldn't have to deal with the entire business of getting somebody else to make us another arwing." Slippy looked defiant, but fell back into formation.            They were coming along the canyon that led into Corneria's capitol city. Not that there was much city left. The enemy had completely decimated the city. Fox watched as the building in front of him was being toppled by a giant, well, Robot, however cliché it was. Fox dove close to the ground, then heard Peppy's voice.               

            "When in trouble, use the boost!" Fox looked at his view screen in shock and awe. Well. That certainly pissed Fox off.

            "I KNOW HOW TO FLY THIS SHIP YA OLD COOT!" Fox's exasperation was to apparent. They blasted everything in sight, then proceeded out of the city. They headed out onto the ocean. Fox made sport out of flying through the stone arches, showing off a bit for that surly Falco. Fox blasted the water skeeters (Like they had any other name.), and proceeded forward. Behind him fox heard a great rumbling, as he watched he saw a Great Ship fly over him. He then heard Falco's voice over the com.

            "I think that big ass thing is our target. We get payed TRIPLE if we can take it down. Follow me!" Falco flew up and over a great water fall, leading to a large valley. Fox noticed enemy fighters all over the valley. They were taken out, but not after Peppy sustaining a few hits. He was okay though. They kept on going and eventually headed out over open ocean. Everything seemed to be clear, they had lost site of the target. Fox watched as an unknown person appeared on his view screen. What the heck was it? He watched as their target, the ship carrier, appeared over his head.           

            "Well, Well, Well, wadda we have hear? I'll be taking you guys out today. Have a nice death!"  Fox laughed. 

            "Falco, Slippy, Take Peppy and get back to the Great Fox, I'll take care of this." They left without saying anything, except for Falco attempting to make a smart remark about asses. Fox stared down the massive ship with a glint. The ship apparently had heavily plated armor, but had several bays for holding small unmanned craft. The first thing it did was open up it's bays and send out a massive number of attack craft. Unfazed, Fox shot a single smart bomb into the right hangar. The right side and all the units in the immediate vicinity exploded in a great ball. Fox repeated with the left side. This was too easy! It's like a game. All of a sudden, the ship turned around. Fox flew after it, not wanting it to escape, but he realized it was a mistake as the ship turned around and came back firing a hail of energy shells. Fox took heavy fire, and one of the arwings wings burned off. Not to be fazed, fox fire 6 bombs In rapid succesion.  The Ship tilted on it's side, and Fox heard the voice of the pilot.

            "YOU'LL NEVER DEFEAT ANDDRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO" Then ship go boom. 

............................... 

That's the end of the first chapter! Wow I work fast! This chaps a little short on detail, but I was working at one in the mornin, it was kinda hard to keep goin, so I rushed. People, I'm ashamed to admit this, but cant someone remind me of the events at katina, and the sand planet (All I remember was that slip got knocked to the planet earlier, by that big ass transformer wannabe.)? As much of a rabid starfox fan I am, I am sad to say that I don't remember, having played it several years ago. I also don't have my N64 anymore, so I cant play it….. Anyway! Read and review, or I may kill you. 

Im not joking.


	3. Who left that carrier there? I tripped!

CHAPTER 2: Dammit, who left that Carrier there? I tripped!

Fox went docked into the carrier far above the sky's of Corneria. He hopped nimbly out of his ship, landing on the ground with not so much as a whisper. ::Oh yeah, Major Cool Points!:: He thought. This would have been true, had it not been for the fact that the very next step had him tripping over a tool box. Peppy also walked into the hangar. He had not seen Fox jump, but had seen him fall. 

"Fox, what did I tell you about watching where your going?" Fox sat up and looked at Peppy. Then for the second time that day, Peppy's juice came out the wrong end, and the smell of singed fur was in the air. Peppy ran off, yelling something about "Kids these days" and left Fox sitting there with a blaster and a smile of Satisfaction. Fox stood up and walked to the door. He opened the door, and walked into the main area. Slippy greeted him with a smile. Falco greeted him by getting Slippy in a head lock, and proceeding to give him a noogie. It didn't have much affect since slippy was pretty slippery, not having hair and all. Fox laughed at Falco's attempts at bullying. Deep down, he knew Falco wasn't nice at all. He was arrogant selfish and insecure. Not to mention that he fit just about every criminal profile known to man. Fox didn't know how many times he had gone off during their missions, leaving him in serious danger. THEN he would fly back, shoot the umpteen bad guys that were about to toast him, and say that Fox owed him, and to say thank you. 

"What's poppin guys? Any new news?" Fox looked around waiting for an answer. Falco stopped his futile attempts at noogie-ing Slippy, and gave Fox a look.

"Fox, News is new, otherwise it wouldn't be news. For a Fox you sure aint that bright Fox."

"Take that back!"

"Never!"

"Don't tempt me Falco!" 

"Whatchu gonna do momma's boy?!?" 

"THAT'S IT YOU AGGRAVATING AVIAN!" This exchange was followed by several grunts and yells, as Fox and Falco rolled around on the floor biting, beaking, and just overall having a very good time. These kind's of dominance fights usually ended up with Fox on top, but this time Falco, did something so low, so horrible, that Fox was forced to submit. 

He farted in his Face. 

"YYYYYEEEEAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Fox screamed. He pulled out his blaster, intent on blasting off his beak, but before he could the view screen pulled up, with General Pepper about to witness capitol murder. Fox couldn't very well kill Falco right now. He put away his blaster , his focus immediately turning to General Pepper.

"General we just saved Corneria. We want 2 billion Dollars."

"Fox, this isn't the….."

"Better yet, THREE billion."

"Fox, I…"

"Hell, why not the whole hog, we want…….1 MILLION DOLLARS!"

"Deal."

"YES!" This was followed by everyone in the ship, including the freshly cleaned Peppy, all blasting Fox with Stun Blasters simultaneously. Fox with his fox-like reflexes, could not dodge them all. He was rendered simpering, and Peppy took up the conversation.

"Yes, General Pepper?"

"Well, bout time we got someone with even one iota of intelligence on this ship. Peppy, we need your help. We got wind that the venomians were planning a large scale assault at our reactor in Sector Y. This installation is vital to the survival of the Royal Cornerian Army, and all the free people's of the Lylat system. We sent a MASSIVE force of at least 15 Carriers, and an uncountable number of small fire troops. Then, we lost cont act with all of them. 

"WHAT!?!"

"Yes, Peppy, we need your team to go out there and find out what happened to a third of our fleet. And while your out there, try head over to Katina and get me one of those delicious Katina Dog's. I really got a hankering for…… Peppy? Peppy! PEPPPPPPPPYYY!!!! Fudge."

Fox woke up in the cold of deep space. Well, it wasn't really cold, but he **was **in deep space, so I really didn't matter. Much. The last thing he rembered was being knocked out cold. Those ingrate's. They didn't respect him.:: I get no Respect.:: He mused in a train of thought that was about as complex as a rock's. Fox hopped out of his bed and ran into the hallway and to the main hall. Which was decorated with all sort's of odd rock's. One of them fell on his head, and Fox realized that the ship was shaking. It sounded like the sounded like the roar of… 

"HEY!" Fox ran to the main hangar, and was just in time to see his ships and team mates taking off WITHOUT HIM! 

"YOU BASTARD'S!!!" Fox climbed up the ladder to his arwing instead of jumping, and flipped on the booster's and some more music. He needed some thing to calm his nerves. He flipped through his collection of music, wholly aware that his friends were out there battling for the fate of SOMETHING. He didn't care though, Damnit, music was more important than the universe. Ah! He found a song! He popped it in, and then ran his engines, and blasted off in pursuit of the others. His song blared loudly in the background.

When this began  
I had nothing to say  
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me  
I was confused  
And I let it all out to find/That I'm  
Not the only person with these things in mind  
Inside of me  
But all the vacancy the words revealed  
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel  
Nothing to lose  
Just stuck/Hollow and alone  
And the fault is my own  
And the fault is my own  
  
I want to heal  
I want to feel  
What I thought was never real  
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long  
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone]  
It's gone]  
I want to heal  
I want to feel  
Like I'm close to something real  
I want to find something I've wanted all along  
Somewhere I Belong

…………………

Fox exited out of the warp into what appeared to be a massive ship graveyard. 

"What the hell happened he………." His ship was then caught in a great uproar, as the bottom of his ship scraped against the topside of a monolithic carrier.

"Great God's! Who the fuck left that ship there?! I tripped on it!" This was followed by Peppy popping up on screen. 

"Never give up! Trust your instincts!" Fox once again stared at the view screen.

"WTF? You old Codger!" Fox wasn't prepared to deal with this right now, so he blasted ahead, and finally caught up with Peppy, Falco and Slippy. 

"Why the hell did you guys leave me behind? That was foul!" Fox angrily said into his smudged View-Screen.

"So is your breath." That does it! Fox thought. He immediately turned up his ass-kicking music. ::Alright Falco, lets see whose the best now!:: 

that's the penalty 

that's the penalty 

payback's a bitch so you best keep running 

that's the penalty 

that's the penalty 

it's what you got 

what you got 

what you got coming 

""This is what it's all about! THAT'S WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT FALCO!" Fox had pretty much gone insane due to his loud music. It made him invincible. Or so he thought. (Author note: Your not used to this irony yet?) He was immediately basted from behind by Falco, who during Fox's yelling was oblivious to everything else. Fox, showing that he did have some skills, Barrel Rolled off the blasts. He then almost proceed, to Loop Falco, but was stopped cold by the fact that about 15,000 enemy units had suddenly appeared from the wreckage of the ruined Cornerian Army. 

"God! What happened? The Cornerian army was annihilated here, do any of you guys know how just these, oh, ZILLION units managed to get by the Crnerian's? Even these shouldn't have been able to defeat them!" Slippy with a expert analysis. It was answered fairly quickly, as about about 2 Zillion more units appeared behind the other ones. 

"That answers it. Well Fox, are you guys ready, we're getting payed for this you know. Do you know how much they'll have to pay us if we pull this off? ! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Apparently Foxes music had gotten to Falco too, as they were both now shooting smart bombs left and right. And we all know what happens when people shoot Smart bombs. Especially when there shooting in no direction particular. Peppy and Slippy almost managed to almost crash into each other trying to get out of the way of the smart-bomb fool's.

"I bet the Cornerians WISH they had these smart bombs!"

"Wait a second, just how the hell are we killing this many people, when the Crnerians got annihilated by them?"

"We have 10 lives apiece, and a continue." 

"Ah."

5 lives later the Star-Fox team had managed to mop up all the remaining forces, including the pathetic boss. All-range mode had made slippy throw up though, and he had to be shipped back to the Great Fox. The battle was easy, but Falco and Fox realized after the Final Battle, THEY EACH ONLY HAD ONE LIFE LEFT! OH NO!

"Uh, Fox?" 

"Yeah?"

"We better start acting like this isn't a game. You know, for the sake of the seriousness of the story." Fox ignored him though, and was busy boppin and grooving in his Arwing. This irked Falco.

"DAMN YOU YOU BUBBLE HEAD!" Falco then Blasted Fox with a smart-bomb, wasting there last continue. 

"Oop's."

Author's note: Well, If you guys have noticed, Im not good at telling serious fics. I hope you laugh your ass off at this, which means I succeded. If not, well, theres always next time. On an up note, this WILL be a retelling of the star-fox 64 story, so you have no need to fear. Okay? Anyway, review and tell me if you liked the story's, any help is always appreciated. The next chapter, (Katina) Will be up soon! SO DON'T WORRY!


	4. Dammit! Dont doooooo that!

CHAPTER 4:DAMMIT! DONT DOOOOOO THAT!

      "So, how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?" Slippy asked a wasted Fox.

      "Fuh, Fuh Three..... The answers always 3.......I need a compress..."Fox idly sat by, trying desperately to hold on to his last vestiges of conciousness. ::No! Musnt give in! Porn is three steps away! So is my blaster...  I can kill that damn toad.....:: Slippy was oblivious to Fox's homicidal thoughts.

      "Well, Silly Sally picked sea shells by the sea shore. But how many sea shells did she pick by the sand at the sea shore?" Fox looked at Slippy, then passed out. He started foaming at the mouth, which was followed by Peppy dragging him out of the room, three steps toward his bedroom.

      "Slippy, have you been antagonizing Fox again? I told you, if you want to talk to someone, ring up Pepper!" Slippy looked down at his webbed feet, which oddly seemed to be very very VERY wet. He would have to talk to Peppy about......

      "JESUS CHRIST SLIPPY I THOUGHT YOU FIXED THAT!!!!!"

                        ................................

      "Slippy, that's the last straw. Im throwing you out the air-lock! Nobody stop me! Im really going to do it!" Fox was still wasted. This left Peppy staring at some odd screen, which seemed to have some naked rabbits on it. ::That sick hare:: 

      "Im really going to throw him out! Dont stop me!" Falco, obviously flustered by the crew's unwillingness, Threw Slippy out the air lock.

      "FALCO! GO GET HIM!" 

      "Aw cmon!"

      "GO GET HIM! He's the only one who can fix the arwings!"

      "Razzinfrazzinbrickabrakinkissmytailfeathersoldsuchandsuch.........." Falo reluculantly went out and picked up an oxygen deprived Slippy. When he finally got back on the ship, and had finished resuscitating Slippy, he walked into the main room to see all the light's turned off. 

      "What the heck?" Falco turned on the lights to be greeted by a strange sight. Someone was sitting in the command chair, but it was turned around so he couldn't see it. Then the figure that had to be in the chair spoke.

      "Do you think I'd forgotten Falco? Are you so foolish? It cant be helped now though. My Friend, your in for a world of pain and suffering. MWAHAHAHAAHAH" The figure turned around in the chair.

      It was Fox!

      "Yes Falco! It's me! The one who you farted on! But now, I will unleash something so horrible, so assinine, so FREAKY you wont be able to look at the world right ever again! BEHOLD!" Falco watched as the giant view screen turned into a movie screen. But a movie of what?

This possible torture was interrupted by the screen going into a white screen, heralding the immenint arrival of General Pepper on screen.   

      "Fox, what are you doing?" Fox hid the teletubbies tape behind his back.

      "Fox, you just single handedly killed every last ounce of respect I ever even THOUHT about having for you."

      "But It wasnt.."

      "I dont care"

      "But..."

      "Shutup! Alright Starfox! Here's the deal! We appreciate your help at Sector Y, but we now have a new and very grave situation! Katina, our base of secret super duper cool operations, is about to be attacked by a large venomian ship, including a new weapon that we dont know about, your mission is to go there and defend our top secret super duper cool base! Understand?"

      "But Pepper! It isnt what you think! Falco...."

      "DAMNIT SHUTUP YOU NINCOMPOOP!"

                  .............................

      Flying over the air space at katina, it seemed quiet and serene. There had been no sign of anything remotely resembling an enemy fleet.

      "I need a hug." Fox looked at Falco. He had NEVER said anything like that before! What the hell? He then noticed that Falco was asleep. Oh. That's why. Fox commanded his team to fly down to the surface. They did this, and upon viewing the absolutely awesome battle before their eye's, they rembered that Pepper had said that the battle would be at the base, not in space.

      "Oh. He he.... I forgot...."

      "FOX!"

      "FOX!"

      "FOX!"

      "FOX!" Wait a second! Fox counted on his digits. There were four members on the starfox team, so who was the fourth person who had yelled at him. 

      "Rob, did you just yell at me?"      

      "Affirmitave, you got a problem with it turkey?"

      "No." Machines these days. Always gettin uppity. He would have to put that robot in his place later on. 

      "Anyway, guys, switch to all range mode!"

      "Use the Brake! (Down (C) and (B)!)" Fox developed a small tick in his left eye. Homicidal thoughts dominated his mind. ::I better focus on this battle, or I may eat it...:: So the starfox team raced of blasting enemy units one after another. It was easy, simple, and utterly utterly futile, but hey, they were getting a kick out of it!

      "Fox, that you?"

      "Bill, Bill Grey?! BILL!"

      "FOX!"

      "BILL!"

      "FOX!"

      "YOU BASTARD YOU STILL OWE ME 15 BUCKS FROM THE ACADEMY!:

      "How the hell did you remember that?!"     

      "Gimme my money!"

      "Later!"

      "NOW!!!!"

      "Dude, we have like 15 bajillion units here, can we kill them and then get to your money?"

      "Fine. But I want intrest!" Starfox and the cornerian army began their counter attack, annihilating every last iota of enemy troops from the area. 

      "We rock!"

      "Yeah!"

      "Woohoo!

      "Where's my Money?"

      "DOH!"

      This was interrupted by a large rumbling rolling across the battle field like thunder.

      "What the hell is that?" Exclaimed Peppy.

      "It looks like the weapon that General Pepper was talking about!" How cool! Fox thought. If I take this down, I can get so many cool points! Thus started the last battle for Katina. The Mothership slowly approached the main katina base. All the while Fox and Co. were battling the seemingly endless waves of enemy fighters.

      "When will they end?" 

      "Tommorow."

      "Smart ass." The teams valiantly fought the enemy troops, fighting left and right to gain control of the field. The enemy fighters just kept going though. All of sudden Fox realized that the enemy mother ship was stationed directly over the Katina base. 

      "Everybody, can anyone tell me what the hell it's doing?" All of the ships in the area realized that the ship was actually going to do something, instead of just hovering over the base looking pretty.

      "WAIT! I've seen this before! Have you guys ever seen that earthling film, 'Independence Day'? The ships gonna blast the base!"

      "WHAT?"

      "WHAT?"

      "WHAT?"

      "Law and Order?!" Fox looked at the ship, whose core had opened, and was now gathering a vast amount of energy into it.

      "Well, lets just blast it, anybody got any smart-bombs left?" Judging by the silence, Fox assumed nobody had any.

      "Great just Great!"Fox then heard somebody calling on his intercom.

      "Hang on Mr. President! I've still got one! You get your boys outta here, I'll finish this!"

It was Bill coming valiantly to save them. Fox watched as Bill's ship flew toward the center of the ship. 

      "Target locked. Do I have clearance to take the shot?"

      "TAKE THE FUGGIN SHOT!"

      "Taking the shot!" Bill looked at his ships monitor. The bomb was stuck in the hold! He wasnt going to be able to fire it before it blew up taking him with it!::There's only one thing to do.:: Bill thought.

      "Fox, take your team and get out of here! I'll finish this." Fox realized to late what that heroic, tragic, hound was going to do.....

      The bastard ejected.

      "YOU CHICKEN SHIT! YOU COULDA AT LEAST AIMED YOUR SHIP AT THE CORE!!!!"

      The ensuing blast ripped through the Katina base, and nearly leveled the Star-fox team, leaving Fox with a severly damaged arwing, and a huge Bill for the ensuing damage that was caused to the base. Fox and his team limped back to the Great Fox, and then Fox remebered something... something that would torment him for the rest of his life.

      "HE NEVER PAID ME BACK MY MONEY!!!"

      Ahem. Rather rushed, but I was to busy downloading Naruto episodes. Well, I was going to take the independence day Idea and run with it, seeming how Katina was such a blatant rip off of it as to be farcical......But hey, you do what you can do. Hopefully this made it a little funnier. I know I get a chuckle out of reading it. Im thinking bout changing my style of humor a little bit, since the Irony in these stories is so prevalent. But hey, what can I say? Ill get to the next chapter, (Solar) Soon, but Im trying to figure out a way to get to Aquas and Zoness, Kat really needs to be here.Anyway, next chap will be up soon.


	5. Intermission

Chapter 5: Intermission

            "I feel so looooooost, loooost, These memories are all that lies ah-eaaaaaaddd, never have I felt so lost, I just need a single second, to………….." There was a resounding shut-up that echoed through the Great Fox. Nobody except that foo' Fox was in a good mood, due to the fact that they had to pawn off almost everything in the Great Fox to pay off the Katina disaster. They even had to pawn off one of their bathrooms, leaving a grand total of 1 bathroom in the entire ship. Naturally this lead to some complications, and fights to the death over the bathroom were inevitable. The only thing that was saving the ship from becoming a crew member or two short, was the fact that Fox had locked himself in the Bathroom, and was singing. In a moment of rare cunning, he had locked the door. Falco was nearly insane by now, he REALLY needed to go to the bathroom.

            "Fox, you have three second's to get out of that bathroom, or so help you, I'll blast down the door."

            " A single sec-oooooooooooooooooond……." 

            "Fuck it!" The sound of blaster fire echoed down the hall. Falco burst into the bathroom. He was met by a sopping wet Fox, who was sitting over the toilet doing…

Oh.

My.

God.

            "HOLYSWEETMARYMOTHEROFJEEBUSONASHISHKABOB!!!!!!!!"

                                    ………………………………………………………

            "Falco, you tell anybody about that, and I swear I'll castrate you, you understand?"

            "Fox, it's a natural thing. When young kitsune's start getting…. Urges…and….

PEPPY! SLIPPY! GUESS WHAT I SAW FOX DOING IN THE BATHROOM! YOU WONT BELIEVE IT!"

            "What?"

            "What?"

            "What?"

            "Shut up Rob." 

            "Suck my metallic phallus."

            "Trick"

            "Yo momma"

            "At least I have one, yah assembly line reject"

            "That was cold……"  
            "So what did you catch Fox doing?"

"Well, I blasted down the door, and…" Falco fell down suddenly, a knife halfway embedded in his back. 

            "Damn. Now we'll never know. " Exclaimed Slippy. Fox then proceed to take out a large pot, a knock Falco over the head several times. Peppy however, had realized what Falco was going to tell him.

            "Fox, were you drinking out of the toilet again?"

            "No! I grew out of that." Fox stuck his tounge out at Peppy.

            "Fox, we had a talk about this didn't we?"

            "Yes, Peppy."

            "I want it to stop, understand?"

            "Jawohl mein Fuhrer."

            "FOX! You understand?" Peppy gave the evil hare eye twitch.

            :**Gulp:** "Yes."

                        Well peeps, this is my intermission chapter while I figure out what the hell happened at Solar. Im to lazy to play the game. Me thinks im gonna have to download an emulator. Oh well. Anyway, one question has been bugging me. When I think of Bill, I remember as him having a pug face. Did Bill have a bulldog face or a regular dog face? HELP ME OUT! I cant find any bill pics on the net… Please answer my question!

            --------------------------End Intermission----------------------------------


	6. Solar part 1

CHAPTER 6: SOLAR PART 1 

"So, how does it feel Falco? Does your back ache with the pain of revenge? WELL?!" Fox stared down at the prostrate Falco, who was consequently wondering how the heel he had gotten himself into this mess.

"Incredibly....painful...." Falco lay there, and suddenly had a bright idea.

He died.

"MWAHAHAHAHA! MY REVENGE IS FINALLY COMPLETE! YOU LOSE FALO! YOU LOOOOOOSE!" Fox's maniacal ranting was heard by everybody on the ship. He was triumphant, and nobody could take it away from him. He rocked! He was in charge! He had their fates in his hand! He was a God! Then the self proclaimed god suffered the same fate Peppy had endured twice. He soiled his pants and went to his room, crying softly and wondering how the hell falco came back. He was DEAD! Then Fox realized the horrible truth. Falco, that selfish arrogant bastard...That low trash...that park leaker, had USED UP THEIR LAST FUCKING CONTINUE!

"Damnit Damnit Damnit! I'll kill him!" Fox was about to race out the door when the door was flung open and all of a sudden, Wolf O'donnel burst in, and faster than he could see, picked him up and choke slammed him into the ground. Fox was pinned by a Big ass wolf, who broke out into a huge smile. He let him up off the ground.

"Wolf! Old boy wassup?" Wolf grinned and spoke back to Fox.

"Wellyouknow, Ivejustbeenhangingaround,youknowjustaroundthearoundchillin.Manwaspoppinwithyousomethinmusybepoppinwithallthecrapthatsbeengoinaonyouknowimjustcheckinuponyouyouknowcheckin."       

"Dont talk like that."

"Fine. It was a byproduct of to much 'King of the Hill'. That boomhower is CRAZEH!. So, Fox how are you what the heck man?"

"Why did you say what the heck for?"

"Im practicing for our inevitable confrontation."

"And why are we going to fight?"

"You stole my mom's virginity."

"Oh. It's a fair WHAT?!?!"

::whispers:: You didnt really, but I had to say that. The author has too much power over us. It wouldnt pay to fuck woth the story line.::

"Wait a second, are you telling me that we're being controlled by some all powerful kid with a computer?"

:::You damn right:::

"What the heck?"

"What the heck?"

"Why'd you copy me?"

"Why'd you copy me?"

"The author!"

"The author!"

"Fox! You are my mortal enemy! We must fight to the death for the sake of advancing the storyline!"

"Yes! We must do it now!"

"Why did we just say that?"

"I do believe it is because the author made us say it."

"You care?"

"Nah. You?"

"Nope."

"Then die!" And so the battle began, commanded by the fates (Hehe) and ordained by the heavens. (Double Hehe). The battle was swift, and ended up with Fox standing over a downed Wolf, who  had only had his ego hurt.

"You think we satisfied it?"

"Maybe."

"I think we're gonna end up fighting whattheheck again."

"I told you to stop saying that."

"I dont care."

"Butt sniffer."

"What? That was low Fox. From now on, you are my sworn enemy!" Fox deliberated whether to smack Wolf or not, but he figured that this being, the Author, wouldnt like it. With a button click, he could probably snuff him of existence. (Triple hehe) Peepy popped into the room and witnessed Fox and Wolf about to go at it. Using his total authority, Peppy grabbed Wolf by the ear so hard that it almost ripped completely off (That's why he is seen wearing a robotic ear later on) and chucked him into the ship hold, and made sure he took off. After he was gone Peppy fell down on the floor.

"I thought he would kill me...."

"Peppy, your such a wuss."

"F--- you, Fox.I dont care if your my best friends son, your still a little punk." Fox didnt care much for conversation, and went off to Stalk the revived Falco. He would have to string him up by next mission, or else Falco may end up doing something stupid. Fox entered the foyer, and watched as a blaster bolt nearly singed his ear. Apparently Falco was doing target practice.

"Falco, It's time you and I got something straight. I'm the leader around here, and it's about time I made damn well sure you know it. So drop your blaster Falco, we're goin foxo-a-birdo right now!" Falco made a small grin, then seemingly without moving popped Fox in the back of the head.

"Oh, we're doing ANIME style fight! Okay. I get you, let's do this."

End part 1.

Author's note: I was to lazy to go to Solar, so Im doin it in two installments. I wanted to clear up the whole Fox-Falco rivalry right here, so I am. After they finish beating the hell out of each othere there goin to solar, where hopefully Fox can get his money back. As always, reviews are welcome. So R&R. 


	7. Solar part 2

SOLAR PART 2:  
  
"Yah! Have at you knave!" Fox lept at wolf, turning in the air as he did so. He landed a kick square on the face of the stunned Wolf. Wolf clutched his face in pain, Then put his hand on his face, clutching it. Fox stood up from his crouch, and looked at the wolf who appeared to be in pain.  
"Had enough Wolf?" Fox looked smugly over at wolf. He then heard a low rumble make it's way from Wolf's person. The rumble transformed into a laugh that shook Fox to his very core.  
"Had enough? My dear friend, It is all to.. Fug it. Just die." Wolf moved over to Fox with a speed Fox didn't even comprehend. He picked Fox up by his throat, and threw him with bone jarring strength into the back wall of the room. Fox hit and then he Opened his mouth, but no sound came out, only a bit of blood. He fell to the floor, and almost collapsed. He got up, only to see the visage of Wolf.  
"Fox, join me Fox! Join me in the service of Andross!"  
"I thought you hated (cough) Andross, when did this happen?"  
"5 minutes ago, plot twist"  
"Ah. But I think I'll decline the offer."  
"But Fox.."  
"I AM YOUR FATHER!"  
"Bull-shit."  
"Okay you caught me. But if you wont join me, then you must die right here. Just like your Mom, Just like your dad. You know what Pigma told me Fox?"  
"Who the fuck is Pigma?"  
"He is your fathers friend, who betrayed him to Andross!"  
"What did he say, and how would you know?"  
  
"Well, I know because the Author told me."  
"Bah. Okay"  
"He said " Your Daddy screamed real good before he died!"  
"NO! My dad wouldn't do that! Not ever!"  
"Ha ha Fox, what? Your getting angry? Ha! You stupid idjiit! You cant win!" Fox struggled to his feet. He looked at Wolf, And Wolf became scared. The fire in his eyes, was like a red fire that was really firey.  
"Fox, buddy, cant we all just get along?" Fox answered with a hateful stare that told Wolf to run. Wolf did not heed that warning.  
"Well, I'll have to use my super-duper anime type attack that couldn't possibly exist in real life but I can do it because the author allowed me too, and it's not even my technique! (Read: Haku's blood limit from Naruto) Ha!" Wolf Made a few gestures with his hand, and all of sudden, a ring of ice mirrors appeared around Fox. Wolf smiled then somehow went INTO an ice mirror, which reflected him in all of them. With this technique, wolf could move between the mirrors with an awesome speed, and throw his little needle things that could move really fast and hurt people because they were sharp and pointy. He threw on which made a gash in Fox's shoulder. Fox didn't even Flinch.  
"Ha! I don't care about this stupid game anymore. I'll take you out now! Mwhahahahahah!" Fox glared furiously at Wolf.  
"SHUT UP!" He then jumped at the mirror Wolf was in, shattering the unshatterable Ice. Wolf managed to jump out of the ice just in time. Fox moving faster than Wolf could even move, grabbed wolf's wrist, and held him back from moving. Wolf only saw Fox with a maniacal glare in his eye, raising his fist to meet his face. Time seemed to slow down, then Fox's punch connected with Wolf's muzzle, knocking him free of Wolf's grip and through the middle Ice mirror. Wolf flew through it and out the window into the ship hold of the Great Fox. Fox stood up from his slouch slowly, the shattered ice falling all around him. Wolf had had enough of this. He clutched his f-upped muzzle, and staggered into his Wolfen fighter. He would get Fox back for this. Fox would pay.  
  
.............  
  
"So, General Pepper, what's the news?" The starfox team had somewhat recovered from the ordeal's of the past few weeks. The Arwings had all been repaired, and Falco's wanton use of extra lives and had been accepted. Now they were all gathered around the view screen waiting for General Pepper to try to send them to their doom again.  
"Well Starfox, we need you to fly to the Central Sun of Lylat, Solar. We have news that andross has a new bioweapon there, some sort of monster that can withstand the heat of well, a sun. And, as our resident mercenary's we want you to fly into that unbelievably hot ball of fire, and kill it."  
"Um, no." Fox looked dead serious at General Pepper. "That would be stupid. And I am not stupid, for to be stupid, I would have to be not smart, which I am."  
"Fox you just. Oh never mind, anyway, I hear that Bill is around that area, so he may be there to give assistance."  
"BILL?? I thought his chicken ass was dead!"  
"Not so it seems." Fox took a moment to ponder this. Bill still owed him money.. It only took a few seconds after that.  
"Crew, The Simpsons are going to Solar!"  
  
............  
  
You know what this means right? Solar part 3! OMG! 


End file.
